In elementary school my great-grandmother G.G. passed away but I didnt get to go to the funeral because my dad thought I was too young. Yet cousins that were much younger got to go.
A few years later my Grandfather Sonny was?injured?in a bad fire and ended up dying. But he lived in Florida so it was all my mom could afford to fly down herself.
Once again I was so pissed that I couldnt get to go especially since I was super close to him.
It would be years until someone around me would die and I would have my first real face to face experience with death.
After I graduated high school I worked at the mall and made friends with a girl named Sami. When we were about 22/23 her mom got really sick and then ended up dying. I got the text about going to the viewing the day of. It was super awkward because I had never really been that close to her mom, I went to support my friend, and then I had never seen a dead body before. And since I have almost no filter, I told her that her mom was the first dead body I had ever seen!
Smooth right.
Then the same summer, my second "mom"'s father died. Once again this was the death of someone I?wasn't?really all that close to. But I went to the viewing and I went to the funeral and only ended up crying when Nancy was giving her speech. I cried because she cried and that was all.
A year or so ago my youngest aunt died. But since my family hates me and there is always so much drama in my family I didnt find out about the funeral till the day of and it was too late at that rate. I didnt cry when I found out and never ended up crying at all about it.
Last week a family friend of ours who was battling cancer ended up accidentally choking and was put on life support. Eventually they decided to take him off of life support and his viewing was on Monday. I went with my mom and there were lots of people there we knew. We chatted and hugged and laughed. Then my mom decided to go and talk to his widow and as we approached the casket I felt the burning you get in your nose when tears are about to come. I looked at my mom and she was getting that glossiness of tears as well. During our chance to talk to Linda, we both just lost it and?couldn't?stop crying. But memories of when my mom was sick and they took care of me and joking about my crush on their youngest son, who is about 7 years older than me, made things better.
What bothered me about the whole thing was how everyone kept proclaiming "At least the cancer didnt get him". I dont know what it was about this statement but it just kept rubbing me the wrong way over and over again. He spent years fighting cancer and died because he choked on some steak and no one in his family realized he was choking!
I just...man I dont know.
I wonder if I am desensitized to death since I never cry about it until I see other people upset and crying over it. I am not really sure if that is normal or not. I always have a hard time going to these things and telling people how sorry I am about what happened. Honestly lots of time I am not sorry that they died because I believe everything happens for a reason. Harsh I know but I guess I?haven't?had enough experience.
Sigh.
Source: http://jesgettingstarted.blogspot.com/2011/06/death-becomes-her.html
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